Chicken And Hell Go Hand In Hand

So I'm stealing a post but I'm not really stealing it because I was involved directly. This is an IM conversation between myself and Flannery - someone I used to work with who has become a close friend.

Me [12:14 PM]: Want some fries?

Flannery [12:14 PM]: Meh, not sure what I want.

Me [12:15 PM]: Chipotle? McDonalds? BK? Chick-fil-B?  HA HA – someone should open a restaurant called Chick-fil-B and make it EXACTLY the same, but open on Sundays, AND have hell art on the wall!  “Because at Chick-fil-B, we don’t believe in depriving you of our chicken goodness on Sundays”. I smell a multi-billion dollar empire coming on………..

Flannery [12:19 PM]: At Chick-fil-B we will cost 2 cents less on each item!

Me [12:19 PM]: A quarter. They are SO overpriced. Dude. Minus the hell art on the walls…………..I’m really thinking this could fly.  No pun intended. “Because at Chick-fil-B, we don’t cram our beliefs down your throat, just our chicken”

Flannery [12:20 PM]: I am not investing my money with you to open a chicken restaurant.

Me [12:20 PM]:Look. Won’t you feel dumb if I do get someone to go into it with me like let’s say, Amber, and in a few months I’m a multi millionaire.

Flannery [12:21 PM]: Why don’t we open a Burger Queen.

Me [12:21 PM]:*? It wouldn’t have the same impact, and you know it.

Flannery [12:21 PM]: Or a McMurphy’s? We could serve lager with our Big Macs.

Me [12:22 PM]: Look

Flannery [12:22 PM]: “At Burger Queen, we’re not makin’ $hit your way, because we’ve been cleaning this d*mn house all day, and we’re flippin’ tired.  You’ll eat what we make and you’ll like it.”

Me [12:23 PM]: LOOK, BE SERIOUS.

Flannery [12:23 PM]: I don’t have any chicken money.

Me [12:24 PM]: I’m going to hit Amber up.  We’re going to get a business loan and we’re going to be billionaire empresses.  Just like Oprah and Gayle.

Flannery [12:24 PM]: I’m not eating at Chick-Fil-B. Your chicken is greasy.

Me [12:25 PM]: When you want chicken on SUNDAY, you’ll eat there and you’ll LOVE IT. 

Flannery [12:26 PM]: You won’t be able to get their SUPER SECRET chicken recipe, so you’ll have some slipshod chicken operation going on over there…feathers blowing around, bloody beaks under the tables…

Me [12:26 PM]: Our fries are better, we have Johnny Depp advertising washing a car shirtless just like Carl’s Jr. – oh you’ll eat there, you’ll eat there……….

Flannery [12:27 PM]: Johnny Depp is a snob, and he doesn’t eat your bloody, hormone filled chicken, if it really IS chicken.  He lives in France, and he eats snooty food like croissants and brioche. He would spit on your chicken.

Me [12:28 PM]: Well you know who WILL eat our chicken? RYAN REYNOLDS! THAT’S RIGHT! And he’ll rub it all over his chest and his junk because he loves it so much!!!!!!!!!!!

Flannery [12:29 PM]: Until his ass gets deported back to CANADA!

Me [12:29 PM]: You just wait.  You can’t stifle my chicken dreams.

Flannery [12:29 PM]: Because he was trafficking illegal chicken, and the feds don’t like chicken traffickers IN THIS COUNTRY!

Me [12:29 PM]: This is AMERICA! You’re just mad that you didn’t think of it first.

Flannery [12:32 PM]: You want the truth?  I never saw a Chick-fil-A until we moved to Georgia, and I thought it was the dumbest sign I had over seen because I couldn’t pronounce it at first because IT’S NOT REAL ENGLISH, but it appeals to all the illiterate people.  Then I ate there and I was SUPER-DUPER-EXTRA-ORDINARY not impressed because IT’S JUST A PIECE OF CHICKEN AND A FUCKING PICKLE, FOR CHRIST SAKE!!  No sauce, no nothing.  IT’S STUPID!!!

Me [12:32 PM]: Then why do you eat there? Whatever, I’m appealing to the masses, not you.

Flannery [12:33 PM]: I hardly ever do, only when I’m tired of the other crap around here. IF YOU WANT TO APPEAL TO THE MASSES, YOU SHOULD JUST SELL DRUGS, DUMBASS!!!!

Me [12:33 PM]: Well I’m going to have stuffed chicken patties and stuff like that, I’ll IMPROVE on their crappy crappy chicken.

Flannery [12:34 PM]: NOOOOOOOOO, YOU said it would be JUST like the other one, except for Sundays and scary art.

Me [12:34 PM]: I’ve changed my mind. We will have the same stuff but better.

Flannery [12:34 PM]: “Oh HI, welcome to Mr. Cluck Cluck’s, please admire our art and ponder your future while we prepare your chicken.”

Me [12:34 PM]: Go to lunch you freak.

Flannery [12:35 PM]: (here is where I used one of the IM emoticon, a clover, which the department has designated as the middle finger emoticon)

Me [12:35 PM]: Go eat your BLOODY CHICKEN BEAKS!

Flannery  [12:35 PM]: I believe I will be making a blog post out of this.

Me [12:35 PM]: (clover emotions) HEY, I don’t want someone else STEALING my idea!

Flannery [12:37 PM]: Ohhhh, guess you shouldn’t have shared then, huh? Now you can kiss your chicken dreams goodbye. And my ass.

Me [12:38 PM]: (6 clover emoticons)