I KNEW it!!! I always knew that Chick-fil-A was created by
the DEVIL himself!!! Why pray tell, you
ask? Because they’re never open on
Sunday and when do you crave their totally boring chicken meals or quite tasty
milk shakes? Why, on Sunday of
course. But no. Because all of their chicken slingers are
trained to tell you to have a blessed day once you purchase food items from
them? Oh no. Because of THIS!
Here I go enjoying my waffle fries from Chick-fil-sAtan,
(see, do you see how they actually used the A in Satan right under our noses?!)
and I pull out my ketchup and mayonnaise and there is a newly introduced
convenient large packet that’s great for dipping. I revel in this and do a happy dance. Then my mouth gapes open and a piece of
chicken flies out of my mouth and onto the floor. HEINZ!! They use HEINZ ketchup people. Yes, Heinz, the company created by that crazy
biotch’s (Teresa Heinz) widower who is now an heiress to the fortune because she shat out
some spawn with her late husband and oh by the way who’s a SCATHING DEMOCRAT
(but apparently used to be a Republican per Wikipedia) and married that huge tool Kerry. Before this becomes all political, NO I’m not
a staunch Republican and NO I’m not a bleeding heart hippie Democrat
either. I’m nice and neutral. If a view suits me, I go with it but because
I DID get raised in a conservative state with an ultra conservative family my
views sorta kinda not really lean to right.
Kinda.
I digress, this isn’t about politics. This is about the fact that those chicken
pushing a$$holes who are all righteous about their chicken only being served
Monday – Saturday, bless people on going about their day, advertise themselves
as a Christian company and when they have no place in the world other than to
serve their plain, $hitty chicken to the masses, decide to SPEAK OUT AGAINST
GAYS yet serve gay loving democratic ketchup!!! And NO, I’m not gay, but I loathe
publicly judgmental people. You want to
judge and preach about someone or a group of people or whatever going to Hell,
you do it on your own time.
I bet they take all those homos money though, huh? Not that I wear flannels with man cut jeans, hiking boots
or sport Eau Du Lesbian perfume (A.K.A. patchouli) but I don’t seem to remember
ever being handed a form to fill out to assert that I’m not a player for my own
team. I know I’VE never been turned away
from a drive through window because of my I *heart* Judy Garland bumper
sticker or because I’m blaring Bette Middler, Wind Beneath My Wings. That
place is a total farce and I think everyone should support me in opening my own
Chick-fil-B restaurant. And f*ck it, I’m
going with the original Hell art on the walls idea.
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I object to your use of the word "pickle".
ReplyDeleteLOL.....soggy fermented mini-cucumber slice?
DeleteI think you should name your restaurant Fil-A-Chick (pronounced "feel a chick" or "fill a chick" depending on which you like best) and have the obligatory skimpily clad women employees (naughty devil outfits?) available for the requisite activity.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm, besides the name I think you have something going here. It could be a combined Hooters meets Chick-fil-A establishment
DeleteHeinz ketchup is the only ketchup my husband and his family will touch and god help you (the nice god, not Chick-fil-a's god, he's a total douche) if you ever bring NAME BRAND or Hunt's ketchup into the house because THAT. SHIT. WILL. NOT. FLY. But yes, I agree with you on all points, but why does their lettuce have to be so good? They use ACTUAL LEAF LETTUCE, not that nasty iceburg crap all shredded up with the butt pieces in it. And they have whole wheat buns. Er, for their sandwiches. So really, we should all just get together and buy the asshats who own Chick-fil-a out, and then I wouldn't have to feel guilty and be all sneaky about eating from there. . . and shit. Now I really want a chicken sandwich.
ReplyDeleteSadly, I enjoy Heinz as well. I grew up on Hunt's but Heinz is more zingy or sweet or something to that effect (affect)? Oh god, I just know I'm committing a grammar faux pas. We SHOULD all get together to buy out those bastards, but you'll have to convince Flan because as she's stated before, she has no chicken money. I love the label of asshat, kudos. I also love skank monkey and don't use that near enough.
Deletexoxo
Sorry, but I object to your use of the word 'retard.' I have a son who has special needs and it offends me when people use that word as an insult. I know I don't know you, nor do I have to read your blog, so you obviously owe me nothing. Still, I felt like I should say something. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but to all the people who love individuals with developmental or cognitive delays it is highly offensive. Would you use the N-word to describe a black person?
ReplyDeleteI certainly do apologize that I offended you with the use of the word retard. I won't bother attempting to justify my use of the word for comedic effect as I'm sure you have no doubt heard it all before. Thank you for commenting, and I'm sorry you didn't enjoy my blog.
Deletexoxo
Ah, also - I abhor the "N-word," just to let you know.
This goes to you and the anonymous person above....... Chic-fil-a did not say they abhor gays or anything of the sort. Lay off the MSNBC or you will be believed to have drank the said "Koolaid" which you are so vehemenetly against, people will think you're a retard. As for you anonymous..... Get with the program, My nigga! Either everything is ok to laugh at or nothing is. A humourless world would be retarded. Can you imagine everyone standing around like mongoloids? No smiles, just a retarded look on their face. People like you are retarded. Have a wonderful day....... Retard.:)
ReplyDeleteThanks for commenting DrakeAllen. In this post I was just trying to be funny about the whole Chick-fil-A thing, and I wrote this before the latest blow up. I don't really watch the news, actually. My BFF is a lesbian and back in the day when this whole "Chick-fil-A against gay marriage" thing came out she was effected. So the ORIGINAL medial blow up is really what I'm referring to, not the most recent blow ups. I've copy and pasted the Wikipedia reference to said original blow up:
DeleteIn January 2011, the media reported that Chick-fil-A was co-sponsoring a marriage conference with the Pennsylvania Family Institute (PFI), an organization that has opposed same-sex marriage legislation.[29] Chick-fil-A clarified that "one of our independent Restaurant Operators in Pennsylvania was asked to provide sandwiches to two Art of Marriage video seminars."[30] The WinShape Foundation also stated it would not allow same-sex couples to participate in its marriage retreats.[31][32] The Wall Street Journal reported that "Through their WinShape Foundation, created in 1984, the owners of Chick-fil-A have donated millions to various causes, including Christian organizations dedicated to preserving traditional heterosexual marriages."[33] In response, students at several colleges and universities worked to ban or remove the company's restaurants from their campuses.[34]
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chick_fil_a
Thanks for your comment!
xoxo
Still don't see the correlation made to hating homosexuals.
Delete