Signs, Signs, Everywhere There’s Signs.

I think I contracted Ebola from my local Hadji-Mart when I stopped in to get a fountain drink today. I’m pretty sure it came from the ice machine. I saw that one Oprah show (when I used to watch her before I thought she was the Devil) about ice machine slime. I knew better, so it’s my bad. 

In other news, as I was grazing on the bucket o’ candy at the office this afternoon I looked down to see what candy I was about to mindlessly pop into my mouth and lo, what do I see but THIS!

(Yeah I just realized that my keyboard is effing disgustingly gross, don't judge. I promptly busted out the canned air and Lysol when I saw this picture. OK, I didn’t really.) 

Back to my point; WHY does ANY company have to ruin a perfectly good product with this bullsh*t?!!? Are we NOT past needing directions on how to rip open a candy wrapper??? Guess what Mr. McStupidassoverpaidmarketingdirector??? I’m pretty sure, NON-reading TODDLERS can figure out how to open a c*cksmoking candy wrapper, hell even MY DOG ripped open some candy once, and you know what I came home to?? Bag of candy, empty wrappers, no chocolate inside! Pretty sure even the illiterate back woods Cleetuses of the world handle it on the regular too.  

It’s not the first time I’ve thought about this, of course. I constantly get pissed off in the shower when I’m reading the most very important DIRECTIONS OF USE on shampoo/soap bottles, etc. I think maybe once, I’ve seen some smart a$$e$ at a restaurant put directions on their food wrappers or something (I can’t remember where, though.) I can respect this – it’s making fun of the fact that there are directions on almost everything. I can’t stand it, can’t anyone think for themselves anymore??? I put my VACCUUM together WITHOUT using the directions. It may or may not have taken me a few hours to put it together and it might possibly make an unusual noise whenever I go in reverse with it, but hey, what else was I going to do on a Saturday night anyway?!?! 

Product information and perhaps smooshy product lingo telling you all about how their shampoo is the very best shampoo ever in the whole world and if you don’t use it, your hair is going to fall out in clumps from any other brand’s $hitty inferior ingredients? I’m cool with that.

Poison control information and cautions that if you decide to ingest the whole tube of toothpaste because you just can’t get the worms to stop crawling underneath your skin from the meth you smoked earlier and maybe if you overdose the little bastards on fluoride they’ll stop squirming so even though you read the warning label you’re going to go with this plan of action because you can handle the potential seizures but the squirming has got to stop?! A necessary annoyance this poison control information is, and if someone wants to be moronic enough to ingest said tube of toothpaste or gallon of mouthwash, be my guest. In my opinion, I refer back to the definition of natural selection but hey, whatever:

1.	natural selection	79 up, 13 down
	1. the main process behind evolution, as stated by Charles Darwin. Also known as survival of the fittest, meaning those with superior traits are more likely to pass on their genes to the next generation.

I was going to go home and take more pictures of stupid directions labels of various products and put them in this post but I’m just tired now and my sugar rush is quickly draining from my body. So I’ll leave you with this unrelated picture of something I drew for someone else at one time, just because I really feel as if I’ve been shirking you guys out of my magnificent drawings lately. Good night and God bless.


xoxo