Stage Fright

I have HORRIFIC stage fright which translates to the following scenarios: Being on stage in any capacity, even if I’m not speaking/acting/dancing, etc., public or even private speaking events where all eyes are turned to me, meeting new people, interviews or first dates. This (what I totally consider a handicap) sucks to the Nth degree. Maybe I should see someone about this….like a hypnotist or maybe I should adopt a way of coping. You know, like sometimes people will wear earmuffs to combat becoming agitated in loud environments.

I think really what would best suit me though would be:

Yeah, I think instead of the typical coping type sunglasses or costumes (maybe that’s what Elton John has been doing all these years, pretending he’s “flamboyantly gay” but really just has bad stage fright and has to hide behind costumes and wacky glasses):

I’ll don the Geordi La Forge eye visor, AKA my 1990’s banana hair clip that I totally wore the crap out of.  On my eyes, you know, just so I can create that barrier between me and people. 

I had this job interview once where the manager had to stop the interview, grab my hand and ask me if I was ok.  She told me to take some deep breaths and collect myself before she went on because I was on the verge of hyperventilating and white as a sheet.  I got that job, miraculously.  Really it’s a miracle I’ve gotten any job or even been married what with my tripping down flights of stairs on first dates (that one turned into a husband,) running into walls/poles, or trying to look sexy and falling off of a bed after I’ve strategically posed myself waiting for him to come in the room (that was NOT on a first date.)

Kick ass.