Blasting Fat Makes Me Reminisce

So when you’re venturing into the world of low carb diets you crave pretty much everything you’ve ever eaten that contains sugar that you’ve consumed in your entire life during that first week or so. It’s almost like your body is digging into your oldest most reserved fat stores and throwing the taste of stuff right back into your brain. Last week, my metabolism must’ve hit a fat pocket circa 1992 since I suddenly tasted fire roasted burnt marshmallows. Last time I sat around a campfire and ate those, I was around 13 years old so perhaps a tiny fat pocket was harboring some burnt marshmallow molecules somewhere in my ass, since I’ve had my ghetto booty from the age of around 13 and all.

Then I got all reminiscent about all kinds of foods that I missed which led me to thinking about all other kinds of stuff I missed that I really want them to bring back. Does everybody do this when they get older? I get emotionally attached to random things instead of people though so it's probably just me.  I'm weird.  Wherethefuck did that coping mechanism come from, anyway? Just wonderin’. It’d be really cool if someone made a brain machine that could read and analyze into the tiniest crevices of your brain that you can’t consciously access and splay it out like a movie, but that’s just crazy talk. So anyway, here are a few of my favorite things that I want "them" to bring back:

Every time I’ve ever brought these up in the past NO ONE I know remembers them. I guess my mom was the only mom who actually used to buy them since they discontinued the damn things. You guys, seriously, THESE WERE SO EFFING GOOD. The “healthy” aspect they sold people on was probably a bunch of bullshit especially since they came out with them in the 70’s. My mom cooked us every meal except when I got picky, then she’d resort to letting me eat anything I wanted just so I would gain some weight. Way to have that one backfire mom, because now I’m a junk food junkie! And I was totally hooked on these. I was so hooked as a matter of fact, that I would not let my love for them go even as I aged into my 20’s. I actually WROTE LETTERS and emails to Carnation begging them to bring them back. I had my own website at the time too and wrote out an A.P.B. asking anyone who lived in the area of the Carnation factory to follow a VP to his car, bust his knees up with a baseball bat, steal his car keys and raid his car trunk to obtain the secret stash THAT I KNOW THEY GIVE THE EFFING EMPLOYEES. Maybe they were experimenting with PCP dosages in the formula or something because, yeah.

 
I remember sitting in front of the TV as a kid mesmerized by this lady and the show, Sit and Be Fit. I especially loved when they’d bring out the baton contraptions with the floaty scarf like material attached and really get the show going. And now that I look back on it, check it out, she totally had the original Hooter’s uniform going on; “Nude” (ha ha ha ha as if this color matches ANY woman’s skin tone) pantyhose, short wind shorts, white ankle socks with Keds and a tight top, sometimes belted. This picture doesn’t show the white ankle socks but I’m sure I remember them. I’m thinking this is where the creator of the Hooter’s uniform got his idea from and then just slutted it up a bit for everyone’s enjoyment.

 
The Joy of Painting, yet another show I’d marvel at while in front of the TV, no doubt hallucinating right along with Bob Ross after I’d ingested a Carnation Breakfast Bar. God is it just me or does he look like Will Ferrel with an afro in this picture? In later years I heard that his paintings actually sucked in normal light but I’ve never seen one in person. Too bad he only painted nature scenes, but I guess that big ‘fro, soft voice, polyester shirts and tight bell bottoms paired with the nature paintings were part of his charm. Damn hippies. 

Anyvey, that is all.  Adieu.