When I want to commit Harakiri my mind wanders to Asian things

I effing love Asians, Asian men in particular. Every single one I’ve met (and I’m talking about from an actual Asian country, not the ones that are bred and born in the U.S.) is SO nice AND funny! I also love how if they’re in American movies that for the most part, they’re cool with feeding into the stereotypes that come with their heritage. Man, if people didn’t play into stereotypes, I’d be really bored and probably have a lot less blogging material. So without further ado. . . . . . .

I’d like to start out with an ode to The Donger. He makes the top of my list because, damn. The one liners that came out of the movie, Sixteen Candles because of his part? Cinematic GOLD. I can’t even list them all – a few of my most frequently used, but not by any means my favorite:

“No more yanky my wanky, the Donger need food!”

“Oh sexy giiiiiiiirlfriend!!!”

“What’s happenin’ hot stuff?”

For your enjoyment I was going to include a Donger compilation, sure that SOMEONE on YouTube had put one together but no one has. Well fuck you then, YouTube! Perhaps you can watch Sixteen Candles and get your jollies off that way. It’s something I still need to procure for my DVD collection – had it on VHS and it has since gotten lost in the shuffle. And no, I don’t have a blue-ray player, cause I’m lame like that.  But am I less lame because I don't have a VHS player anymore?  I think so.

Data from Goonies with the slick shoes: they really should’ve made this a more prevalent character in the movie because he was really rockin’ out that accent.

Personal note: A place called Hakata is my favorite sushi restaurant, not only because of the food – holy crap, there are no words for how good it is; but the sushi maker is an elderly Japanese man (I’m sure he's the family’s grandpa that owns it, cause you know how that goes.) He always smiles, and nods when you come in plus he makes sushi like the wind, and he's the only one behind the counter rolling, ever.  The man never takes a day off. The first time I ate there I went up to the bar and slapped down his own personal $20 tip whilst dry humping his leg – because yeah, it is that good. Thank you cute Mr. Elderly Japanese Guy for teaching me what GOOD sushi should taste like. I wish he was a little more personable like Hattori Hanzo on Kill Bill but you know, my fantasy land can only intrude so far into my real life before I start mixing up the two anyway. Another honorable mention regarding restaurants is Twin Lion which serves traditional Chinese food. Oh how I miss you, Twin Lion. They have kick ass food and employ a 6’5” Chinese waiter who ALWAYS remembers who I am and my order. ALWAYS. I asked him his name once but I couldn’t understand him so I always just call him Sammy in my head. Good old Sammy, I miss you.

Back to non reality. The Gangnam guy – OK, this dude is super duper gay however I crack up that it seems from all appearances that somebody on some network in China gave a special needs Chinaman his own variety segment. Just look at the way he dances. You too can be one wooden broomstick pony ride away from mastering his dance after you watch it just once.

Never mind the people who actually started posting HOW TO videos giving what I suppose are completely uncoordinated ass clowns instruction on how to perform his dance. Really? Riiiiiiight. Wow.

Chinese restaurant chorus singers from the movie, A Christmas Story. Enough said.

MXC – Has anyone seen this BRILLIANT show? If you liked Mystery Science Theater 3000, this show’s for you, except that it’s about 1,000,000 times better and it’s got Chinapeople running around doing completely, insanely dangerous obstacles, face planting it and such all in the name of entertainment. God I miss cable.

**********Side note - I wrote this probably back in late 2013.  Lots has changed for me and I'm about to start posting again but wanted to slap this up anyway.  In case you're curious, I now have cable.

XOXO