Those Halfie Bastards Have F@cked Sh*t Up For Everybody Again!

So I heard about this and promptly went to reading around the internet and saw this today:

Nationwide helium shortage: Midgets to blame.

You may have noticed since around the summer of 2012 party stores have fallen flat in helium sales.  Why?  Because there is a nationwide helium shortage and it has many helium users in the country worried.  In a recent interview, the spokesman for a recently formed union, M.A.H.D (Midgets Against Helium D’extraction) stated that party goers could “suck his hairy little balls,” while giving a CBASH reporter the finger.  The union spokesman, Dick Goezinya went on to say that his group recently organized and went on strike because they were tired of little persons supplying the majority of US helium organizations and getting underpaid and underappreciated.  

M.U.F.F. (Midgets Usurped  For Flameretardants,) another group that recently formed takes the same stance but with a more scientific approach.  A little known scientific fact is that midgets actually have a genetic mutation in their lungs that converts normally breathed in air.  Their lungs send molecules to bind with the already minor amounts of helium in our breathable air then converts it to pure helium, which when they breathe out.  This would account for their squeaky little voices and why when a non-genetically mutated human breathes in air and speaks, it sounds normal.

A little known and at first, top secret act commissioned by President Nixon in 1969 coined “Halfies for Helium,” required that all midgets contribute to the helium supply once a month for a stipend that has changed very little over time and little else has changed to the policy as well.  Until the newly formed strike is resolved and the current demands of the midgets are met, we may be all looking at birthdays and other celebrations that require helium balloons, with our sprits deflated.

OK, OK, so I might have written that article. However the helium shortage is sort of a worry because the medical community actually does need it for stuff. And hey, I really like balloons. In fact, I'd rather get balloons than flowers. Go figure that one out.

Here are some real stories on the helium shortage, Here and Here in case you want to enlighten yourself.