ARE YOU F@#KING KIDDING ME!?!?!

Guess what???  Yet ANOTHER food item that I love has been discontinued.  And this time? It’s personal.  The offending party, that has so carelessly discontinued this beloved food stuff of mine, is the one and only Chick-fil-A.  Of course.  OHMYGOD I can feel the convulsions and melt down coming on. I know why too, they must have read my blog!!! Someone there got sand in their vagina and/or thought they’d be cute and fuck me over because of all of my Chick-fil-A rants! What I'm speaking of is their amazingly delicious honey roasted BBQ sauce (the kind that’s in packets.) 

I know I never mentioned it in a blog but they must have pulled together a focus group, turning their attention to any persons that enjoyed or disliked all of my expressed interests and concluded that it’s my favorite condiment of ANY restaurant of ALL time.  Well played motherfuckers, well played. 

So I was going to insert a picture of the scene off of the Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo South Park episode, where they pull together a focus group and everything offends everyone so they take down everything that resembles anything to do with Christmas, because that's just effing hilarious and of course, I can't find it.  No one knows what's funny anymore.  However, I found this picture so I'm putting it up because, damn.

If you've ever had this condiment (and let’s face it, you have, because there isn't one thing on their menu that isn't made better by drowning it in this shit,) then you know what I’m talking about.  I’m still on the edge of the cliff because of the discontinuation of Carnation breakfast bars, not kidding.  I think corporations are just out to screw me, seriously.  Besides the BBQ sauce and the bars, there are actually a lot of other food items that have been discontinued.  It’s seriously giving me a complex; have you ever seen The Truman Show? 

For instance: Do you remember what fruit roll ups were like when we were kids?  This is for all of you 30-somethings, if you’re younger than that, you might not know what I’m talking about. Fruit roll ups used to actually have a sort of grainy, pulp-y, real fruit consistency.  As in, you could actually stick them to the roof of your mouth and run your tongue over them and feel the strawberry seeds and such within them.  Ever had one lately as an adult?  They’re completely processed now and smooth.  They don’t get grainy and texture-y in your mouth like they used to, they’re basically so manufactured now that they’re most likely one molecule away from being plastic, just like margarine is.  So in my book – discontinued.

Sugar free Eskimo pies on a stick – My grandpa used to get these for my brother because he’s diabetic.  These were out on the market before diabetes was such a huge deal.  My brother was diabetic before diabetes was “trending” what with all the fatasses that develop it now because they can’t keep their happy meals in their pants and all.  Anyway, I look high and low on an almost constant basis and can’t find them anywhere.
   
Hormel vegetarian chili – not completely discontinued but absolutely a pain in the ass chore to find and generally I have to ask that my grocery store order it.  Tip: if you’re making Frito pie at home, use this chili (that is IF you can find it) with your Fritos and cheese.  It’s the only chili I've found that’s worth a damn in Frito pie and doesn't make you stroke out due to the salt content.  Any other canned chili I've tried to make Frito pie with tastes like I’m putting my tongue on a salt lick.  Mmmmmmm, stroke-y.

Berry-Berry-Kix – This was some kind of healthy version of Cap’n Crunchberries, I think.  Either way, it was effing good.  There was also a S’mores cereal that kicked ass, they brought a version of it back but it sucks.  It’s way too sugary now. Both, GONE!!!

And of course, I get shafted at restaurants all the time when I get my taste buds set to go only to find that the ONE thing on the menu I order gets discontinued.  La Madeleine: the Caesar chicken salad sandwich; Which-Wich: the salmon melt; Olive Garden: this amazing pork dish, it was some kind of fried (of course) thinly sliced pork contraption but I can't remember the name of it; Chester’s Hamburgers: The poppy seed buns (which they JUST brought back after YEARS of being discontinued.)  

Oh and lest I not forget an entire restaurant that went down, Bennigan’s, which I wasn't terribly fond of EXCEPT FOR their Kilkenney’s Country Chicken Salad.  I still crave that to this day and there’s no hope of gettin' that one back.

I know there’s more, I’m just so blindly pissed off about this honey roasted BBQ sauce thing.  Damn.  It.