Tammy The Tranny

This is a story about my most favorite tranny in the entire world, Tammy. OK, maybe she’s my favorite because she’s the only tranny I've ever known.  Well, who is “out” anyway because you never know who you might come into contact with every day that could be a closet tranny. It could be the unsuspecting co-worker all American family type of guy, a guy you've been out on a date with or perhaps your friendly neighborhood UPS guy. Hey, I never take anyone at face value anymore – you just never know what people are capable of. Case in point: 

I mean look at what happened when David Carradine died for god’s sake. 

And there’s nothing wrong with trannys in my book anyway. Whatever you’ve gotta do to make your brain feel normal is what you’ve gotta do, I guess. People’s proclivities keep the world interesting.

Moving along, I wasn't a witness to her transformation as I did not meet her until well after the big day of reveal but I was told the story by one of her coworkers. And I think maybe she only did a top half transformation, if you know what I mean, but I never had the balls to ask her *elbow nudge* AGGGGGGHAHAHAHAHAHA! So the story goes like this; a man named Tommy works for a gate repair/installation company (the company installs/works on drive through gates for apartment complexes, neighborhoods, houses etc.) Anyway one day Tommy shows up to work as Tammy. Yes, literally walks in, in women’s clothing, makeup on, his long hair that used to be pulled back into a pony tail and brown, bleached blonde and styled like a woman’s. Then proceeds to declare to everyone in front of the HR manager that he is no longer to be addressed as Tommy but will now go by Tammy, and will be referred to as “she” etc. Tammy looks a lot like this kind of tranny (but blonde):

So this gate company's employee demographics contained 99.8% blue collared, construction type, tobacco chewing, southern men and as you can imagine, this was kind of a hard transition for them. But after Tammy was sent out of the office to do a repair all of the employees were rounded up and threatened with their jobs if they EVER made Tommy er Tammy feel threatened or ousted in any way. ANY WAY. *Cue the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory "I've got a golden ticket" song*

That’s right boys and girls, the only possible way you can trump the minority card in job security is the tranny card. SOLID. GOLD. JOB. SECURITY. If you’re happy with the company you’re with but feel your job is potentially threatened, I highly recommend this course of action. Because why should those tranny assholes have all of the job security? They shouldn’t, that’s just all there is to it. 

Moving along to my interaction with Tammy, as an aforemention, most lesbians or gay guys don’t actually like me and I find this really surprising considering how open minded and accepting I am. I have girlfriends who gay people flock to like they’re Liza Minnelli or Britney Spears, but I seem to repel them. However Tammy was different.  Any time she was on property she came into my office to shoot the shit. Her behavior always confused me though. I’m pretty quick to figure out people but she was baffling because I never could tell if she was sexually interested in women or men. When she’d come in it seemed like she wanted to have “girl talk” but at the same time, she’d literally be wiping drool from the corners of her mouth just like gay boy Scotty off of Boogie Nights while talking to me and all along staring at me like she wanted to rip my clothes off. Maybe I’m mistaken and while she did want to rip my clothes off of me, it was only to try them on. But the girls I worked with at the time and I loved her. One day my beloved Rachel sent Tammy over to my office, as Tammy was excited to show off her new belly button piercing. When she came into my office that day she had a white t-shirt tied up below her very bad and lopsided boob job:

Yeah, kinda like that. And low slung cut off jean shorts.

Yep, just like that.  Amid the obviously shaved happy trail on her stomach lied a belly button ring that said I ♥ BJs. Whether she was the giver or the receiver, I’ll never know.

 

As an after mention and for reference, I’d like to clear up my previous statement about some voice similarities and mannerisms mentioned in a prior post (this one.) Now that I’ve watched The 40 Year Old Virgin all the way through, I now realize that Nancy (who I promise I will tell the story of some day) sounded and acted much more like Gina off of that movie rather than Vera De Milo from In Living Color. To get a good idea of Tammy – one would reference Vera De Milo (below) and Nancy was certainly much more Gina-ish (also below.)