Really Though. You SO Want To Know Me When I’m An Old Lady, Just For The Entertainment Value.

I totally want a hoveround when I get old and with my health condition even if I don’t really need it, I’m pretty sure I can get one.  My grandma has one and never uses it.  Every time I go to their house I longingly look at it and always offer to take it out for a spin, you know, just to keep the battery/motor fresh on it.  They laugh at me like I’m joking but I’m not.  *HMPH* Once I get my hoveround, I’m going to adorn lots of t-shirts with puffy paint, ribbons, glitter, the whole 9 and then decorate them with crazy stuff - like dumb sayings or pictures of kittens.  Then I’m going to take my hoveround out to stores like Home Depot, Target, Wal-Mart etc just so I can mow down all of the little kids that get in my way.  Especially if they’re being total brats. I’ll make a bee line for those kids and bump into them or run over their feet and then play dumb old lady and sweetly say, “oh honeyyyyy did I bump ya?  I’m so sorry sugar, here let me get you a piece of candy!”  Then as their parents look on horrified, I’m going to dig for awhile and pull some crusty old unwrapped butter mint out of a ziplock bag I’ll have hidden in the bottom of my purse, which I'll keep filled with lint and candy for just such special occasions.  Then I’ll blow it off and sweetly hand it to the kid.  And it’ll be so great because you know kids, if they’re young enough they’ll pop anything into their mouths with no hesitation. And I'm sure the parents will be doing their best to be polite and not slap the mint out of little Bobby's hand before he can get it into his mouth.  On really crowded weekend days, I’m going to stash crazy looking mushed up sandwiches in my purse barely wrapped in saran wrap and try to hand those out exclaiming “Oh no honey, I don’t have a piece of candy but here’s a nice yummy sandwich!”  There’s a guy in my neighborhood who’s probably in his 50’s and for obvious reasons, he has a hoveround. He cruises up and down the streets and has a tall orange flag on it and also has it decorated with reflectors so cars won’t hit him.  I’ve even seen him rolling along the major intersection that connects to my subdivision with groceries.  He’s such a pimp.  I’m so effing jealous.

You know what else I really want?  I want one of those recliners that lifts up until you’re in a standing position.  Until I’m old enough to need one I’d actually just really like a rocking recliner.  I love those things.  In fact, in lieu of couches and love seats, I’d love to just have a living room full of recliners.  Especially the ones with flat surfaces and cup holders in the arm rests.  It’d be pretty awesome to get one of those motorized ones now though, but I’d modify it, take off the governor on the motor so that I didn’t have to wait 10 minutes to get into a standing position.  It’d just sproing me up out of the chair launch style with the push of a button!  Woo hoo!!!!