Well The Dog Didn't Die Today After All, So At Least That's Good News!

Oh boy everyone! As I've mentioned I'm back at Ye Olde Insurance Company with all of my favorite people that give me good blogging material. You know the players, Flan being #1, bravo Flan. Then of course there will be future mentions of Kitty and Goldie and I also might have to add Susie McChristian, who is a total religious zealot, however just when she starts to be cool she pulls some bullshit. She's been in rare form lately though so I'm hoping for some good material.

So this morning I wake up to an almost dead dog, and I'm not exaggerating. The dog looks and acts like she's on death's door, won't eat ANYTHING I try to give her and won't drink, plus is barely walking. Seeing as how I'm at a "new" job, I have no PTO so I do what I can for her before going to work. While there Flan and I go on break where we discuss said dog and her condition. Flan likes animals but I love animals - major difference. The dogs are like my kids and I've been adding to the brood and taking care of them for 13 years so it's safe to say I'm attached to them like I would be to children, as I have none. Flan absolutely does not understand and abhors this mentality, having a child herself.

One thing I've noticed is that my neighbor's teenage son is an asshole. Any time the dogs run up to him and bark at him through the fence, he smacks the fence with sticks or
other things to antagonize them. I have yet to have words with his father. So this dog, Sugar (yes I'm aware I doomed the dog by naming her that but in my defense I got strong armed into that name), is by far my most "simple" dog. She eats inanimate objects constantly and does other weird and dumb things. Most all of my friends and family hate her, but since I dropped her on her head accidentally as a puppy, I feel this shortcoming is ultimately my fault so I love her and feel indebted to her. I really did drop her when she was 6 weeks old, it was horrible. I cried all night about it when it happened.

So being a simple dog, one of her traits is that she's overly trusting of anyone and anything. Because of the way she was acting, I was certain that the teenager had thrown a poisoned piece of food or slipped a bowl of antifreeze under the fence to her before I got home yesterday or something. Because I'm sorry but 7 out of 10 teenagers these days are soul-less fucking assholes. And people thought that the 80's was the "me" generation.Take a look around - 3/4 of the teenagers today need to be wiped off the planet. Anywho, I tell my poison theory to Flan. As I've come to expect, she laughs at my paranoia and says that she certainly didn't miss it while I was gone. So I get clearance to leave work early so I can rush home to the simpleton - and I find that as usual, she ate some type of inanimate object that she has since "passed" while I was at work. She greets me at the door with her usual simple face and happy demeanor. $600+ vet bill averted.

But in true Flan style, I get into the following text conversation with her:

Flan: The dog alive?

Me: Well I don't know what this dog ate but she passed it through and it was a huge piece of cloth of some kind. Acting normal now, of course. Damn dog.

Flan: So you think the neighbor tried to poison it with some sort of cloth?

Me: You're such an asshole even though that did make me laugh.

Flan: It just seems like it would be easier to use rat poison or something. Maybe he tried to strangle it with a cloth napkin, but the dog was so crafty it pulled away from him and ate it.

Me: Yes, yes, I'm such a dumbass for thinking my neighbor poisoned her. Jesus.

Ah, Flan. Good times. Well, sometimes...................